then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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