It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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