I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
