And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
