My balls are so social today.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
