plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize