Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
