i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
