dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
