my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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