the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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