my room smells like sperm. sweet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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