ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
