If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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