I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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