Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
