Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
