I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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