It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
