I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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