and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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