I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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