dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize