Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
