she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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