i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
