I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
