i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
