dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
