oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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