Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
