Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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