Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pants are for mortals
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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