im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
