dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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