I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
