Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
