This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I smell stomach acid.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
