I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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