I bet he comes in French.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize