In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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