Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
