Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
