He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
there is glitter all over my balls
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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