I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
