the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
