rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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