you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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