I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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