i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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