Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+93): View more from

woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!

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(905): View more from Toronto

I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..

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(231): View more from Michigan

OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.

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(802): View more from Vermont

she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor

(1-802): View more from Vermont

oh but she would

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4

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(972): View more from Texas

Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.

(1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

Questions like that are why I love you.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.

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