I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
