my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
