Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
