The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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