She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
