My hand turned me down
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
