if only i could text you this smell
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Gay?
German.
Pity.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
