So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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