I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
