sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
