She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
