Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
