where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
