I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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