Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
