We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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