There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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