Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
