Me too!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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