dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
