Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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