i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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