So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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