I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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